Finding and Keeping Love

by Christie Perkins

So.  I created this sign in high school.  And I am happy to admit I did not find my guy in the slave dungeon (although he may have found himself in the slave dungeon when he married me… sorry guy.)

I found my guy in the Human Interest section.  Oh yes I did.

He was checking off the list for me: good with kids, treats me well, always talks me up, most forgiving person I’ve ever met, and showcases a perfect bald head (which I discovered later in marriage… he fashioned the parking lot hairstyle for quite some time).

These are just a few of his perks.  Everyone has their unique set of perks and most likely no two are exactly the same.  Everyone is awesome is some way. Everyone.

And we all have our quirks.

I wrote this poem in high school… I think it can apply well to any relationship.

Deceived To Believe

People think I am twitterpated.
They caught on my tricks each time I dated.
He looks at me with those googly eyes,
I think of him through whispering sighs.

A wink and a smile is all it did take,
He was good looking for heaven’s sake.
Away to the round table I did flutter;
My heart thumped and melted like butter.

Sipping soda through the same straw,
Got to the bottom, noticed a flaw.
Particles of food were taking a swim,
Wasn’t from me… came from him.

Quickly and disgusted I did turn away.
“Want to dance?” I heard him say.
We started to dance, I noticed his feet,
They had no rhythm, had no beat.

The furthest I got was an Eskimo kiss.
One thing for sure, that nose I can’t miss!
Long and wicked that nose did bend,
Plastic surgery can’t make that mend.

Excitedly and happily I waved him good-bye
(Knowing for sure I’d get rid of this guy.)
Once I was told looks are deceiving,
This time I know.  It’s worth believing!

So when my husband married me he thought I was perfect-ish. Ha!  I knew otherwise.

I growled when I got frustrated.  I made sure the hour hand safely crossed the days finish line (or got close enough).  Movies are my lullaby.  But, still, there were little things that surprised me that we had to work through.  Like the crusty toothpaste- it’s fine, and besides it looks really cool by the end of the twisty tied up tube.  It’s artsy.

But somewhere between the pitter patter of hearts and flat line there’s work.

It can be easy to see all the good qualities and sometimes you have to go searching.  Let’s face it there are points in our lives when we’ve all had to do a little searching.  But the point is that we do search.

Search, search, search… find. It’s the work of love.

 

5 Search and Rescue Tips To Keep Relationships Fresh.

Love isn’t some magical feeling that lasts forever.  It comes and goes with moments.  And on the downswing it needs work.  Here’s some things that get my heart melting like butter.  It’s time to pull out the popcorn and drizzle butter all over it.  I’ve got some things I need to butter up.  Here’s a few simple ideas that I have found that worked:

1. Surprise Them.  Do something completely out of the ordinary for your loved one.  The expected never gets special recognition.  When’s the last time you did something out of the ordinary?  It’s been way too long for me… I’ll have to work on that.

One of my favorite surprises that my husband left me was about a year into the marriage.  My husband worked on a fire crew in the summer and would go on a two week detail away from home.  I always hated having him gone.  Right before he left that morning he repapered the wall with sticky notes and fun messages… it was in the fridge, in cupboards; in the shower.

It was so simple and so fun to find him everywhere… when he was no where around.  I kept finding surprises over the next month.  So fun!

Surprises don’t have to be big.  It was under a buck and has kept me smiling for over 15 years.

2. Be Nit Picky.  Of course, that’s on the good things. Of course.  Compliment them on things they do well.  We can be blind to their little perfectionistic traits because… lets face it, they’ve always been good at it.  But, it would still be nice to hear how the world moves because of their actions.  Pick out the especially small things that you don’t think will matter.  And get into the habit of complimenting even the littlest trinket of actions.

I love your smile. You talk about intriguing things.  Do you even realize how good you sound when you sing?  You’re good at your table manners.   Tell them about all your little admiring secrets you’ve been keeping to yourself.

Stop holding back, man!  If it bubbles up, pop it out.  (Because you know, it’s half the fun of blowing bubbles.)

Oh, and never ever reject a compliment.  Don’t you even think about it.

3. Invade Space.  If you’re starting to see the special traits the spatula has above your loved one… it’s time to put it down and go to dinner.  Don’t just exist together.  Spend time together.  Enjoy.

Do mundane things together- the dishes, cooking, weeding, taxes, cleaning the car, etc.  Yep, you’ve got it, invade each others space.  If they don’t invade your space you venture out and do the invading.

4. Eat Some Scowls.  Everyone loves a smile.  See the magic it brings.  Make a conscious effort to smile at your loved ones often.

See if it gets those butterflies breaking out of those cocoons.  (Take note: it can take anywhere from 2 weeks to an entire season for a butterfly to break out of a cocoon.)  And some butterflies will eat their way out.  If you feel like scowling… try the butterfly method and just eat it with a smile.

I’ve eaten some scowls in my day and their not so bad.  And pretty soon your stomach will flutter again.

5. Spill the Thank Tank.  Get into the habit of spilling out a thank you whenever you appreciate something.  Oh the power of those two words.  The day could be filled with magnificent conversation but nothing will mean more than a simple thank you.

Thank you says a lot.  It says that behind the scenes leading up to a moment (a meal, a paycheck, a completed project, a two minute teeth brushing event, etc.) made a difference to someone.

And these two tiny words are more than just a payday, it’s a pay raise that guarantees a little harder effort at the next opportunity.

I don’t know about you, but it sends an electrical surge through me when I hear these words.  Consciously think to thank and spill it everywhere you go.

 

Make a Daily Effort in Your Relationships

Any relationship will benefit from these tips.  Leave a comment, I want to know what you like or have found to be useful.  Share your tips with me.

 

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