I Can Get Through My Tough Times #BecauseHeLives

by Christie Perkins

We are meant to face hard things.  There must be opposition in all things so that we can understand the beauty of the good.

And there is so much good in this life.

When a simple phrase like “we’re just making memories” won’t do, there’s still a rescue that’s awaiting you.  Only the Savior can bear these burdens.

There have been times that I have tried to carry my own burdens but to no avail.  But, it wasn’t until I got down on my knees and poured out my heart concerning my troubles that He rescued me.

The Dreaded Fuzzy Chemo Head

After a few of my chemo treatments I would have a brain melt moment.  It felt as if my brain turned plastic and I imagined the synapses firing but not quite making the jump.  It was frustrating.  My head was fuzzy.  I couldn’t concentrate on even the littlest things; reading was extremely difficult.

Nausea was agitated by my fuzzy head.  Every cell of my body was pleading for some kind of balance.  But it was my head that most concerned me.  It was an awful place to exist.  I hated the way it made me feel.

As a result, anxiety would flare up because I felt trapped in this state of subconscious.  I’ve never had anxiety before, but I did with chemo.  My whole body’s universe was off kilter.  And I wasn’t sure I could endure much more.

It was this desperate state that brought me to my knees.

“Please, help me know what to do.  I feel awful.  I can’t stand it any longer.  I just can’t do this.  Isn’t there anything I can do to take this away?”  I prayed my inner most hearts desire.  The smile I wore around others was only a fabrication to my situation.  I had to break this barrier.  I could not carry this on my own any longer.

 

Solutions To Endure the Fuzzy Head Moment

Two simple thought entered my mind.

Read the scriptures.  And the second thought: move slowly.

It was too simple.  I discredited it right away.  That was going to help me?  For one, reading was difficult.  I couldn’t do it.  Two, moving slow sounded like a ridiculous solution.  For a moment I was going to chuck it out but then I thought, what’s it going to hurt?  And, I did just pray for help, right?  I had better at least try it.  So I got up to get my scriptures.

I started to head out on a slow walk back to the bedroom but was nauseated so I slowed it way down.  You know those baby steps you took as a kid when playing certain games?  Yeah, that’s it except downsize it in speed.  Itty, bitty, steps down the hallway to get my scriptures made me feel like an old man.  I honestly think it took me 20 minutes to get to my bedroom.  That’s how slow I moved.

And strangely it helped.

Reading was the next hurdle.  My mind was helium with each word.  This task may as well have been an attempt to pick up my car.  I struggled over each word.  But, I got through one verse.

That was it.  One little verse.

And that was the little light of hope that held me through the day.  I would find myself slipping into that dreaded fuzzy head and I would pull out my scriptures and meddle through another verse.

I still had to get through the day.  It’s not like the situation drastically changed.  No.  But, I was somehow able to bear it better. He did know how to help me.  And I’m so grateful for the answer to a frustrated prayer.  I’m glad I listened.

 

 He is the Hope To Get You Through

I tell you with every fiber of my being that I know of a surety of His power in our darkest nights.

I know that He can carry us when we can’t lift our head any longer, when illness befriends you; when confidence is lost; when heartache clenches you.  I know that He knows how to succor to our every need.  Even in the seemingly small needs He can and will help.  And I know that even though we still have to have to meddle through the night, there is always a sun waiting for us that’s ready to bless, strengthen, and warm us.

He is the Son.

Nearly three months ago I had a powerful thought enter my mind.  It came back to my mind a couple of weeks ago when I was preparing this post:

It is not the blackness of night that makes a beautiful night but the twinkle of stars that brings us delight.

Look for the twinkle: it is there.  Even in the blackest of nights there are always stars.  Sometimes they are covered by clouds (or our own lack of searching) but clouds gently blow away if we are patient.  And the sun will always rise.

Just hold on.  Trust in His power.  Ask for it.  Then, when a little twinkle appears cast your eyes upon the twinkle in the night and feel the power it gives you.

All of our opportunities of opposition are the opportunity to know the goodness of God and our Savior.  He is real and He will bless us.  He will help you through anything because he lives still.

May your darkest nights be filled with the twinkle of light.