Author Archives: Christie Perkins

About Christie Perkins

I'm just and ordinary girl (yes, girl) who loves life. After a battle with chemo, radiation, and two types of breast cancer I can't help but see the perks of every day. I celebrate life by writing and loving more deeply. Couldn't be happier. I live in Utah with my husband and four boys.

The Power of Memories

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I was looking at Christie’s blog the other day and I found several posts she hadn’t completed. I thought even though they weren’t completely finished they were still worthy to share. Christie has SO much wisdom to share. Sorry I didn’t know how to make it all pretty like she did, but here is one of the “unfinished” posts!

by Christie Perkins

I woke up one morning with a firm thought. “You need to make memories.”

Now I was in a stage of life where I had toddler kids that needed my constant attention and my house equally begged for some undivided time. But my focus was constantly on the house.

I liked a clean house. I loved how it made me feel when it was reflecting sunlight and seething of lemon bleach instead of crummy milk splotched blotches. Ahhh. It felt like sunshine freshness and glittered up my smile.

Yet. Somehow my focus was all off. I was out of balance.

I had set up this fabulous work day. We were going to trim the bushes, clean the garage, and clean the house. I was excited about the opportunity for my “ah moment” when this was all going to be done.

But, as soon as my eyes opened up the change of plans was thrown at me. It was just a thought. But it was loud and it was clear. “You need to make memories.”

Oh we do, I thought. But then I thought… for the last several Saturdays we worked on projects and cleaning the house. And that’s what we did with our spare time. In fact, is that all we ever did on Saturdays? I had to think.

I wanted my kids to learn to work. I felt very strong about growing men with proper work ethics. But, instead I was creating boys with proper toy slots. On Saturday’s we looked at toys, we didn’t play with them.

How awesome is that?

Don’t answer.

Anyway. I’m convinced the thought was a turning point for me. I needed to find a little balance but mostly I needed to create memories. Correction: I needed to create fun memories.

I have no idea what we did that day (must have not been very fun… hey, I needed a little practice 😉 )

Cancer Kicks Memories Into High Gear:

So many years after that rude awakening thought I was diagnosed with cancer. It was then that I realized the importance of this message. It was then that I realized that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and was watching out for me. It was then that I realized that time is incredibly short. No matter how long you live there is never enough time.

Memories are glue that bond us.

And once again I am reminded of the power of memories. My dear friend Janna just passed away from appendix cancer recently. And I realized that the thing that lifted my heart was the memories. The flour fight we had in the kitchen (ahem… not recommended by the way), the blindfolded date nights in the back of an empty furniture truck, the game nights at her dad’s furniture shop, the lunches at her house; the fun we had.

And come to think of it… I can’t remember one gift we exchanged, or even a boring moment that we had. Though, I’m sure we did. The memories that rise to the top are the ones that were different, or we created together, or new experiences we ventured through. I did a lot of (good) things that I never did before with Janna.

And memories are what rescued me when she passed on.

Memories helped me to solidify my friendship with her. Relationships need memories. It is the food that feeds the heart. And since I’m living this year with “no regrets,” I am making even a bigger effort to make memories and follow the thought to make memories.

Memories/ misconceptions Necessities to Keep in Mind:

Memories don’t need money: now this is mostly true be creative. But, I have come to learn that sometimes memories do need money. Sometimes it requires a sacrifice of money. For the longest time I hoarded money. It was my safety net. If I had money I felt safe. But I realized that I actually needed to spend money to make memories. And I just had to tell myself that that was okay. And the funny thing was that once I spent my money on a family trip and it was gone. I realized that I had just filled our heads with experiences that would have been spent on piddly stuff.

And that was a big eye opener to me. We don’t have to be extreme and I believe in living within your means but I know that if you make it happen you will find yourself going without the other things that are just things that you thought you needed. Memories are more powerful than gifts.

 

Life isn’t about how much money you make… it’s about how much memories you’ve banked.

 

Fuzzy Chemo Hair

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by Christie Perkins

Technically I shouldn’t have wished for it.

You see my brother has this dog. It’s a very sweet dog. However, I’ve never snuggled it because I’m allergic to dogs and cats. But, claiming it was hypoallergenic, I gave in and scratched behind her ear.

And, immediately we became friends… and I fell in love with the dog.

So, here I am, watching the dog with a gamut of kids around it. They are all scratching her belly, behind her ear and neck and her eyes get all droopy, dazed; glazed. I think she is actually smiling.

Poor dog. Has to stand there all adorable looking and the kids are magnetized by her irresistible cuteness.

And that’s where I went wrong. For a brief moment I wished that I could be a dog (minus the dog food, of course). Continue reading →

Cancer Ate My Hair: Hungry Little Guy

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Losing Hair and Things and All the Blessings

by Christie Perkins

Yes. It’s true. I’ve joined the hair loss club. I’m president and I won by a landslide. (Hey when you still have bush lined parking lots for hair no one is going to elect you president. Sorry man.) Slick’s the trick.

Ok, so maybe not completely true… but balding men (and cancer groupies who have treatments that also ate their hair) I feel your pain. Yes. It’s gone. And though cancer ate my hair, no worries. The pain is only momentary.

Continue reading →

Worn Out Dilapidated Dolly To the Rescue

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by Christie Perkins

Wow. I’ve missed you. I’ve been on a couple of months of pain and sickness that I’ve just plain taken a break from the norm. I’m not really sure what that is anymore. Anyway, I’ve only been able to keep my head above water so most other things have just dropped. So much has happened.

But enough of that… let’s talk about life and living and all it’s wonderful perks.

I’ve been hoovering at a very hard and difficult state of well being for so long. I was tired of it. Tired of being sick, not having energy, throwing up every day, and generally not feeling great all the time. I was a dilapidated kinked-up crusty chromed car on the side of the road watching the freeway of Rolls Royce’s pass me by.

But I have not been without some amazing TLC. Of course there were so many helpful cleaners, home cooked beaners, and bright beaming gleamers that stopped to assist us. There’s been random money drops, sweet calls, and texts and visiting plops. I’ve cherished and needed them all.

But, through it all, I’ve felt so useless there being serviced and not helping anyone else. Continue reading →

Daddy Daughter Date: Both on Chemo

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by Christie Perkins

Now I can think of a bazillion fun date ideas for a daddy daughter date: dress up in goofy clothes and answer questions about what color of toothbrush you use- I can’t even remember most of the time… the bristles are white with little finger thingers. I know that much. Or go to Wingers (same taste buds fare well here), or get up in the middle of the night to hear the sonic boom, or “watch” the cloud infested solar eclipse from the ER room.

Or you could always hook up at the cancer center and go get chemo together. How’s that for a date? A daddy daughter date with chemo. Now doesn’t that sound fun?

Now sometimes you get to choose the date, but sometimes the date just chooses you. It so happens that Dad and I get to do chemo on the same day. Yes. Dad has to do chemo too. Dad has some uncommon kidney disease that causes blood clots (which they believed caused his stroke a couple of weeks ago). They have found that chemo will put it in remission. So he has 4 rounds of chemo that will help put it in remission.

Quick Cap: Dad’s been having lots of health problems over the last 6 months. There’s been a lot of doctors shaking their heads as to what to do. He’s been in and out of the ER and hospital earning mega points on his medical valued customer standing.

Someone forgot to tell him there’s no rewards points. So since I know he’s reading this- um Dad, there’s no reward points. Continue reading →

IV Chemo Strikes Again. (A Grumpy Post.)

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by Christie Perkins

Three weeks ago my blood work showed that my tumor markers tripled in just a 2 month time period. We knew where my next treatments were heading (IV chemo. Yuck.) but we needed to take a cat scan first. Cat scan revealed the secrets of the blood work and that’s when I started watering my flowerpots with my eyes.

Hey. We’ve been on a drought restriction so sometimes you just gotta get creative. Except I think I drowned a few pots (ok, ok… I really didn’t but it would have been a really good idea. Why do all the good ideas come later?).

So the new news of more cancer growth on the spine and multiple spreading spots on my liver is hard to take. Magic potion number 9 wasn’t quite right for me. Above all, the thing that bothers me most is that I can’t quite catch my own grip on this news.

Stop crying girl.

Continue reading →

Cancer and Magic Potion Number 9

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by Christie Perkins

I gasped a little. Maybe I shouldn’t have. It’s silly to gasp when something is exactly what you want it to be. Perfect bloodwork. Yeah. I mean, really, who doesn’t want replenished white armored army warriors for bloodwork? You see, I was climbing back out from under my neutropenic plunk and my white blood cells and neutrophils were normalizing. I was gaining my fighting power back.

Again.

Each time I take my Ibrance pills my blood goes scuba diving.

But my gasp was not an element of birthday party surprise, it was credited to the boogie man lurking in the dark surprise. You see, the recovery from my last neutropenic plunk only meant one clear thing: If my white blood cells and neutrophils are up that means I have to start my new chemo pill. My current medication isn’t giving me the kapow I need.

So a new pill means new side effects, new adjustments, and reestablishing my new norm. Ugh.

Over the last 8 months my doctor has continuously dropped my current chemo pill dosing to avoid my blood levels from crashing. Each month we hope the new dosing will level out my fighting power but with each month I skid on the bottom before I get to the end of the cycle. It takes a while to get me normalized before trying the new reduced dosing. My clearance chemo isn’t quite cutting it.

And in the process my tumors have been getting hungry and beefing up. Continue reading →

Easter: Power Over Death and a Ray of Sunshine

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by Christie Perkins

Power over death. What an incredible gift.

The true meaning of Easter is much more significant than it has ever been for me. Stage 4 cancer has given me this valuable insight and appreciation of the resurrection.

The Savior took upon Him our pains and afflictions and broke the bands of death.

 

The Bands of Death

Now I don’t know about you but when you are handed a slip of paper that foretells your death ticket: non-curable stage 4 cancer the bands of death take on a whole new meaning.

Suddenly “beginning with the end in mind” is incorporated into everything you do. The heavy burden of death challenges how you spend time, how you interact with others, what you think about, and how you spend your money.

It’s a blessing and a curse. Continue reading →

The Redbox Bunny Miracle

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by Christie Perkins

I swear it was sitting right there.

The rush of the night had me winging the hairdo (yikes) and flinging the overdue redbox in the van. Well, actually I had my kiddo take care of the redbox. I had to return it because we were already late.

Last year we had this horrible habit of returning redbox rentals several days later. I made a new goal and commitment to make better use of my money. We would return movies the next night. And things were going well with that until…

Until, I don’t know what.

You know those moments when the redbox grins at you from the corner of the room and you gasp. Oh no! We haven’t returned that yet?

So we do that responsibility shift game. I ask my husband to take it on his way to work. Later that day he remembers he forgot to take it- so he texts me and asks me to take it in. And… I’m not sure what happens but I forget to take it. And before we know it my bank account it draining from a redbox rental.

And I didn’t love the movie that much to start with. Continue reading →

Avoid Shirking Work

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by Christie Perkins

In the winter we get a home grown ice skating rink by my front door. Thank you north facing lot. You do have to bring your own ice skates but if you want to do pirouettes or figure 8’s the entertainment is basically free. Well, unless you slip and have to wear permanent doughnuts to all future gathering places.

Anyway.

So you know how you most people are inclined to believe what they find on the internet? Well. Well, I found a piece of information that I thought would be a fabulous idea for de-greasing the ice rink. It’s called ashes.

Yeah. Wood burning ashes. I decided it would be a great idea to cut the work. You know, the “easy” way out. That’s what I thought it would do anyway. Continue reading →